One.. hundred? Maybe one thousand?
I am no stranger to self-criticism. I am too fat, too short, too fair and too hairy.
This stems from short parents, a chubby family, pale ancestors and what I'm lead to believe, a fairly masculine father.
This had lead to a 5ft, fair skinned, chubby, dark haired child. I have been chubby since I can remember.. Hell, look at pictures of me as a toddler and you automatically know where the Michelin Man came from.
But despite the chubbiness and the disastrous monobrow, the one thing that I just cannot forgive..?
My hair is naturally dark brown. It is thick. It is wavy. Not curly... wavy.
I cannot create natural curls.. it is too thick.
I cannot creathe natural waves.. it is too thick.
I cannot create straightness.. it is too thick.
I KID you not.
This is my hair at 14...
My hair is the absolute worst nightmare of any person ever. I thought I was exaggerating. But then I observed people. I observed their hair and the way it changed. The way it reacted to products (that I always got the name of by the way). I watched my frizzy haired friends turn in to sleek, seductive creatures. I watched fellow curly haired friends turn into tamed, tidy curls.
Oh no. Not me.
Don't get me wrong, I have had compliments on my natural hair. I am also pretty sure they are taking the piss. I don't even bother having to blow dry my hair to attain ridiculous amounts of volume.
And that's where the envy lies I assume. My hair has volume. Layer upon layer of volume, no matter what spritz, lacquer, mask or spray I apply to it. It will never shrink and it will never lie flat.
This post is ridiculously impossible, because I do not have an answer. After countless and endless ordeals with my hair, spending fortune and fortune trying to get it the way I would like, maybe just a little less crazy.. I have come up empty handed.
To everyone else.. just be thankful. If you have flat, sleek, shiny, straight hair.. you can create my mess. But I will forever be stuck with mine.
So I'll brush and brush and brush and brush my hair, stuck in the same place I've always been. And I'll keep wandering, and wandering and wandering, when will my hair be tame?
This is the straightest and shiniest my hair has ever been. As you can see.. it is not straight. This style took an hour. And lasted all of five minutes...