Tuesday, 24 September 2013

Anxiety Is..

One moment everything seems fine, and then the next it's blind panic about whether you locked the front door or turned the TV off.

It's obsessively mopping the floors because you can see smear marks.

It's checking your phone every five minutes, just in case you missed a really important text message.

Waking up in the night with cold sweats convinced you have forgotten to do that really important thing, but you just can't remember what it could be.

Cleaning your house from top to bottom every single day, just to stop thinking for a while.

It's all consuming guilt over letting someone down, even when they assure you that you haven't.

Worrying endlessly about the small things, did I brush her teeth this morning? Has she had enough breakfast? Is she sleeping enough?

Wanting to say something but not quite having the courage to say it, no matter how much someone is hurting you.

Palpitations and shortness of breath when out on your own.

The chilling fear of illness, death and nothingness.

Guilt over a nappy rash.

It's watching the TV without actually taking any of it in.

Trying to be everything for everyone yet still feeling like a failure.

Feeling like you don't have enough time to do everything that needs doing.

It's when everything feels so unimportant, but you still can't stop thinking about it.

The ridiculous fear that at any moment, your heart is going to stop beating. 

Anxiety is love, hate, black, white and everything in between.

Anxiety is my life.

8 comments:

Kip Hakes said...

Anxiety is.. a pretty good Blog Post.

Feel better soon Misteh xx

Chelsea Williams said...

Huge hugs lovely. Here if you need anything, lovely post BTW x

thereandbackagainamotherstale said...

I could have written this myself, but you write it better! I have OCD and struggle with intrusive thoughts like the ones you mentioned, at the moment it's J's nappy rash which everyone keeps commenting on, making me feel like they think I don't want it to get better for her!

Just wanted to say you're not alone!

Misty B said...

Thanks lovely x

Misty B said...

Thank you for your comment. It's comforting to know I'm not alone, but I'm sorry that you suffer too. It's the little things that get you isn't it? Sort of like a way of hiding from the bigger things.

Misty B said...

Thanks Kippeh x

Emily Foran said...

Oh goodness honey, anxiety is awful. I promise it can improve though, take it easy relax and give yourself time! xx

Emily Foran said...

Oh goodness honey, anxiety is awful. I promise it can improve though, take it easy relax and give yourself time! xx