Since I had Princess, it's not very often I've had a day/hour/minute to myself.
In fact, before Monday, the last time I spent time by myself was in May.
I love my daughter. I love her beyond belief. But when is it that you stop remembering when it was the last time you had a minute to collect your thoughts?
I work 4 days a week, so technically part time. But it feels like I'm always there. So when I'm not there, I try and soak up every moment of my family that I can. But then there's no time for me..
In May, I went out with my friend and enjoyed an afternoon of lunch, cocktails and baby-free grown up conversation.
Then on Monday, I went out with my Mum. For the first time in a long, long time, we spent time together as Mother & Daughter rather than Grandmother and Daughter and Granddaughter. At first I felt bad that I enjoyed this time so much without my Princess, but then I realised something.. I needed it.
I needed time on a bus, with my headphones in listening to Bruno Mars and Taylor Swift. I needed to walk alone, without holding someones tiny hand or answering every question they threw at me. I needed to link my arm through someones (the same height as me, I may add) and stroll along without anywhere in particular in sight. And I most definitely needed to sit and eat a meal without having to talk/feed/amuse someone else whilst doing so.
For the first time in a long time, I felt like the person I used to be a few years ago. I remembered what it felt like to have such a thing as 'me' time. Except that a few years ago, it was just 'time'. I took it for granted and never really considered that one day, I wouldn't have any. I never thought that one day, I would struggle to sit down and finish a meal without at least having to get up once to do something for someone else, or share the food on my plate with tiny fingers.
I wouldn't ever change what I have. Ever.
Right now, Princess is out with her Daddy, camping. They are spending the night in a tent, under the stars whilst I am at home alone.
Don't get me wrong, I am by no means annoyed. Camping just is not my forte, I would rather be here than there (It's raining too by the way..) but I miss my girl so badly. I want her in my arms, or at least under my roof.
But whilst she hasn't been here, I have enjoyed myself. I have eaten pizza, drank a glass of wine, watched trashy TV, and will shortly have some ice cream without having to share. Although I am sure I will end up saving her some.
I need to start making more time for myself and stop feeling bad when I do.
I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels guilty for enjoying some "Mummy Free Time" am I?