Wednesday, 14 August 2013

Mummy Free Time

Since I had Princess, it's not very often I've had a day/hour/minute to myself.

In fact, before Monday, the last time I spent time by myself was in May.

I love my daughter. I love her beyond belief. But when is it that you stop remembering when it was the last time you had a minute to collect your thoughts?

I work 4 days a week, so technically part time. But it feels like I'm always there. So when I'm not there, I try and soak up every moment of my family that I can. But then there's no time for me..

In May, I went out with my friend and enjoyed an afternoon of lunch, cocktails and baby-free grown up conversation.

Then on Monday, I went out with my Mum. For the first time in a long, long time, we spent time together as Mother & Daughter rather than Grandmother and Daughter and Granddaughter. At first I felt bad that I enjoyed this time so much without my Princess, but then I realised something.. I needed it.

I needed time on a bus, with my headphones in listening to Bruno Mars and Taylor Swift. I needed to walk alone, without holding someones tiny hand or answering every question they threw at me. I needed to link my arm through someones (the same height as me, I may add) and stroll along without anywhere in particular in sight. And I most definitely needed to sit and eat a meal without having to talk/feed/amuse someone else whilst doing so.

For the first time in a long time, I felt like the person I used to be a few years ago. I remembered what it felt like to have such a thing as 'me' time. Except that a few years ago, it was just 'time'. I took it for granted and never really considered that one day, I wouldn't have any. I never thought that one day, I would struggle to sit down and finish a meal without at least having to get up once to do something for someone else, or share the food on my plate with tiny fingers.

I wouldn't ever change what I have. Ever.

Right now, Princess is out with her Daddy, camping. They are spending the night in a tent, under the stars whilst I am at home alone.

Don't get me wrong, I am by no means annoyed. Camping just is not my forte, I would rather be here than there (It's raining too by the way..) but I miss my girl so badly. I want her in my arms, or at least under my roof.

But whilst she hasn't been here, I have enjoyed myself. I have eaten pizza, drank a glass of wine, watched trashy TV, and will shortly have some ice cream without having to share. Although I am sure I will end up saving her some.

I need to start making more time for myself and stop feeling bad when I do.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels guilty for enjoying some "Mummy Free Time" am I?

3 comments:

Dawn Frazier said...

You shouldn't feel bad for wanting some time for yourself. It's healthy to be able to be yourself sometimes, and it will make you a happier Mummy who in turn, will make your child happy :-)

Jess McGlynn said...

Sounds like bliss! You definitely shouldn't feel bad about wanting to have some 'you' time, I think it's important for our sanity to have a break every now and then. I always rationalise it by thinking that our kids are just one part of who we are, not the whole package and it's important to take care of each piece. Otherwise we'll be lost when they leave home!

Louise Fairweather said...

I would love some more me time! I manage to go to the gym a couple of evenings but that is pretty much it. That's one of the reasons I enjoyed Britmums x