Time is that one thing that we all need more of, but don't have. Then, when we do have enough of it, we don't know what to do with it.
In a sick twist of fate, I know exactly how I need to spend my time, yet when I have it to spare, I'm far too tired to do anything with it.
I'm currently doing full time hours at work. I'm not supposed to be, and I don't get paid any more for doing it, but I am. Stupid? Yes. Do I have a choice? Yes. Am I fool for being taken advantage of? Yes.
At the moment, I only get 2 days off a week. It's not every week, but it definitely feels like it.
It's my day off tomorrow and I have a list as long as my arm, body and legs to get done. Princess needs a haircut, I need to go down to the council, I need to make phone calls and I need to do some shopping. By the time I finish that, it'll no doubt be time for bath and bed.
When does it end?
Simple answer - it doesn't. I've made small mistakes at work, mistakes that could have become massive if I hadn't have spotted them, all because I'm tired. I've had a raging headache for the past 4 days that doesn't seem to want to just fuck off and my shoulder is being a bitch. Even if I get 10 hours sleep, I wake up feeling just as tired as I did before I fell to sleep.
I suppose I'm feeling unmotivated. Or perhaps that's not the right word, because I'm getting everything done that I need to. It's that I'm not enjoying anything that I'm doing, apart from spending time with my family. I feel detached from everything I do and it's making me tired. Tired and drained.
I just don't feel bothered any more.
So what magic plan have I got to rectify this situation I hear you ask?
Absolutely nothing. Nada. Zilch. I haven't the foggiest.
I've told work to reduce my hours - and by reduce, I mean put me back to my normal hours. I still need more training. I've been thrown in at the deep end since having staff off sick or on holiday, I'm still not ready to do the job as I should be doing it.
As for my home life, I'm enjoying it as much as I can. I'm trying to let the small stuff go and forget about any money trouble. I think sometimes I create problems in my mind and stress about them unnecessarily. I stress about things that haven't happened yet and may never happen. I need to stop doing that.
I suppose I just needed a good moan. Where better to do it than my own blog? I'm hoping things improve and I start to feel like I have a little more time to just sit back and take things at my own pace.
A girl can dream, right?