Thursday, 31 January 2013

Has the world gone mad?

Is the world on crack?

Did people start taking a drug that made everyone go crazy and demented?

I'm pretty sure something happened because I have seen some horrendous videos and pictures making the rounds on Facebook this week.

I can't even post you an example because just the thought of it makes me feel sick. The one I have refused to even watch involves a girl and her used tampon. Vile.

However, the one that angers me most, is the video of a young boy being pinned down by his own mother, and forced to have a tattoo.

I'll be honest, I'm not one for watching videos on Facebook because I know what they're usually about. This one was shared by someone I thought was a trusted source. And so I watched it.

Well, for 10 seconds. When I finally realised what was going on and after thinking 'Holy shit, this is actually real!' I turned it off.

The poor boy is screaming in agony. He's trying to pull away and he is crying. His own mother is pinning him down whilst an anonymous man tattoo's him. With a real fucking needle.

How sick and twisted do you have to be to do something like that? To put your child through physical trauma for the sake of Likes on a social networking site? Even if they didn't intend for it to reach the likes of Facebook, the fact it was recorded in the first place implies that they intended the video to be seen.

Watching it made me angry. It made me want to grab the disgusting Mother and string her up myself. I wanted to pin her down and tattoo CUNT on her eyeballs and watch her suffer, the same way she did her son.

I realise that things like this have been happening for a while, behind closed doors. But now all of these disgusting and disturbing images are out there in the open ready for public viewing. Is it giving other people ideas? Are there other people out there like me, who want to see this woman get what she deserves? Are people actually watching this because they enjoy it or find it funny? Whatever the reasons, I hate the fact that these videos even exist.

A woman and her dog. A girl and her tampon. A mother torturing her son.

It's not often I take anything on social networking to heart, and I can always view things with a pinch of salt. But I hope this woman is found and is prosecuted.

 It's child abuse, pure and simple.

 I hope the world can eventually return to it's happy medium and I can stop worrying about what is going to turn up on my computer screen every time I log on.

Tuesday, 29 January 2013

Sometimes I Feel..

Sometimes I feel like the world is going a little crazy.

Sometimes I feel like I don't make enough effort. Do I look nice enough? Should I wear a better outfit?

Sometimes I feel like I should be doing more. More work, more writing, more cleaning, more something.

Sometimes I feel like I've been left behind. Like maybe I missed something along the way and everyone moved on without me.

Sometimes I feel like I'm all alone even when I'm in a room full of people. Everyone is talking, but are they talking to me?

Sometimes I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders, even though I have absolutely nothing to worry about. I'm always worried about something.

Sometimes I feel like I could be raising Princess better. If she had less chocolate and more vegetables. Maybe her routine should be different or I should play with her more often.

Sometimes I feel like I'm not trying hard enough. When I cheat on my diet or I don't work out enough at the gym. Am I dedicated enough?

Sometimes I feel like throttling other people. When they treat others with disrespect or talk over/down to others. Especially when it's someone close to me.

Sometimes I feel like I'm not enough.

Sometimes I feel scared that one day, I will lose everything.

But sometimes, I feel like it will all be okay.

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Wednesday, 23 January 2013

Weigh-In Wednesday

So I'm going to count this as my Weigh-In Wednesday Week TWO. Even though I didn't lose any last week and technically gained (through the fault of my scales, DAMN YOU) it was still really my first week.

However this week I am happy to report that I've made a loss.


It's a very small loss, but a loss none the less. I have lost a lb this week! That brings me to 9st11lb.

I was quite surprised I lost any if I'm being honest. I had a few cheat days last week. One of them where I ate half of a chocolate fudge cake and another one of the girls at work treated me to a McDonalds. I also only did one Zumba class, but I didn't even work up a sweat due to it being a different teacher.

This week I have decided there will be no cheat days - it's only Wednesday though, give it time. My 1lb loss proves that I am capable of losing the weight if I try, I just need to work hard for it.

Fingers crossed next week reports an even bigger loss!

PS: For my own benefit, I may start boycotting Instagram. All of your food photos - usually of cake and chocolate - make me very jealous. And hungry.

Friday, 18 January 2013

Weigh-In Wednesday Failure

Have you ever felt that stomach curdling fear of stepping on the scales during a diet and realising.. you've put on weight?

Well I have.

Last weeks Weigh-In Wednesday, despite my initial hopefulness, sort of went tits up.

You see.. my scales were wrong. By 5lbs. And not in a good way.

So when I said that I weighed 9 and a half stone. That was a lie. Okay, well it wasn't a lie because I genuinely thought that's what I weighed.. but the scales lied. To me.

I jumped back on the scales 7 days after my first venture, looked down and noticed the dial didn't move. It was definitely odd. I'm not saying I expected to see half a stone had miraculously shifted, but I did half expect to see some change.

But there was nothing.

Last week I completely changed my attitude to food. As previously mentioned I was now on wholemeal bread. My portion sizes were halved, and I haven't eaten chocolate, sweets or crisps in over 2 weeks and I had done three hour long exercise classes, so I really did expect to see a difference. (I must admit I was pissed off mainly because after Kettlercise on Saturday, I spent the entire Sunday in my pyjamas on the sofa unable to move!)

Unfortunately though, my apparent lack of weight loss convinced me to step on to the fat busting, truth telling scales of Boots.

To my dismay, these scales now told me I weighed 5lb more than I originally thought. My weight is 9stone 12lb and my BMI is 28 *sob*. I'm not looking into my BMI too much as it also recorded my height as 4ft10. Now I'm short, but I'm not that short, I promise.

So next week I will try again. I'm currently sat here drinking wine, so if my weight loss isn't as high as I'd have hoped, don't be surprised.

My attitude to food has changed dramatically. I'm not over eating, ever. All of my substitutes are diet-friendly and I have completely cut out all of the rubbish (minus the rose wine, obvs.)

So I shall repost again next Wednesday. If I'm being honest, I'm not expecting a weight loss. I have only done one exercise class so far this week and it was far less enthusiastic as the last (different teacher) and I barely worked up a sweat. I'm still eating healthily and minimum, but clearly it hasn't started working yet.

Please all keep your fingers crossed for me and DAMN my bloody asda scales to hell!!

Top 10 Uses for your Pushchair!

Pushchair, pram, stroller, buggy.. what do you call yours?

I tend to use all of them, even though I am aware they have different meanings. Does it matter? At the end of the day, the uses are exactly the same. Call me selfish, but this post is yet again about the benefits of Parenthood.

That's right ladies and gents, I have come up with the Top Ten Uses for your Pushchair/Pram yada yada yada. Sure it was difficult, I nearly gave up at 5, but I struggled along till 10 and I'm sure you will all agree.. they're very relevant.

Use Number ONE: Considering the sudden climate change (from average to diamond nipple iciness) the main use of your pushchair is for balance. Who needs ski poles when you have the sturdy handles of your stroller to steer you down the hill and into Tesco!? You don't even need to use your feet, just let the weight of your child guide you forward. They're sure to find it absolutely exhilarating too! Basically, it stops you looking like a twat by landing on your arse.

Use Number TWO: Your pushchair, pram, or whatever you own, is a glorified draft excluder. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one, who during gale forced winds, has stood securely behind your pushchair, protecting yourself from the freezing gusts! Your legs stay warm enabling you to pursue some more skiing. WIN/WIN by my books.

Use Number THREE: When you've given up walking/sliding around the place and you decide to get on public transport, you're almost always guaranteed to get a seat just because you have a child in a pushchair. It's as if you give off a certain signal that warns people you've had ENOUGH and need to sit the fuck down. Please bear in mind that the only people who will not give up their seats are the elderly, because they feel that life owes them EVERYTHING.. and other Mothers. Damn you.

Use Number FOUR: Closely related, but not quite the same. Whilst you're storming down the high street, determined not be late for whatever it is you're usually late for, people will always move out of your way if you have a buggy. I'm not sure if it's the crazed face of the person behind the handles, or the fear of being mowed down by a hot pink 3 wheeler. Who knows? Either way, for the first time in your life, you can walk through a crowd in a straight line.

Use Number FIVE: People will hold doors open for you. This basically means that you never have to do anything for yourself again. People will hold doors open, chairs out, pack bags for you, the LOT. Embrace it while you can. In fact, scratch that. Once everyone else stops doing it for you, the likelihood is your child is out of the pushchair and can do it for you anyway.

Use Number SIX: Your trips never have to be cut short. Fancy having an extra glass of wine with lunch but your toddler is whinging that they're tired? Or strolling down the high street window shopping because like me, you're too skint to buy anything and your child complains of their feet hurting? No problem-o, just strap them in and away you go. No more excuses!
Please note: no matter how much you want to take their place, you can't.

Use Number SEVEN: Shopping basket and handlebars. NEED I SAY MORE? It's like having your very own entourage.. that you push around everywhere. It's the perfect excuse to buy more things. You know you can fit just one more bag on that handle before it tips.. go on.. just do it.

Use Number EIGHT: You know when you're really angry but you just can't get that frustration out? Well say no more. Let me introduce you to ankle ramming. This is the sport of accidentally on purpose, ramming/jarring people in the ankles and getting away with it. They can't get angry with you, you have a baby. HILARIOUS.

Use Number NINE: Welcome to the world of elevators. No more will you have to climb a billion stairs to get to the top of the supermarket. No more standing on the escalators feeling like you're on a sweaty, claustrophobic factory belt. You my friend are upgraded to the first class elevator suite! You choose whether you share it with anyone else, where you want to go and how long it takes you to get there. Absolute brilliance.

Use Number TEN: This one sort of cancels out number nine but is my favourite. The best use I find for your pushchair, is exercise! That's right my friends, use your buggy to your advantage! Get pushing up those hills and why not do a slalom round the lampposts? That's what they're ruddy well there for! Get fit without feeling like you're actually doing anything. A lot of us actually HAVE to push their child round in a stroller, there's no choice about it. So remember this: when you're huffing and puffing your way up that everest.. it's excellent for your calves!

So there you have it. My Top 10 uses for Pushchairs!

Wednesday, 16 January 2013

Jake and the Neverland Pirates Hook's Battle Boat Review

One of Princess's favourite things to do, is pretend to be a pirate. I quite often find her babbling away about Captain Hook and Smee, imagining she's on a Pirate ship somewhere on the sea.

To be honest, this makes me a very happy Mummy seeing as Peter Pan is my favourite Disney movie of ALL TIME.

So when I was contacted and asked if we would like to review the Jake and the Never Land Pirates Hook's Battle Boat, I jumped at the chance knowing Princess would absolutely love it.

The boat itself is smaller than I imagined, but the perfect size for children. The pieces consist of battle boat, Captain Hook figurine, cannon and cannon firearms. The boat has wheels on the bottom so Princess could push it about the floor quite easily whilst shouting "ARRGHHHH!"

Both Captain Hook and the cannon detach from the boat so can be used in different settings too. All of the pieces are the perfect size for dainty (or chubby in our case) toddler hands and are easy to use. Princess can quite easily load the cannon with the firearms and shoot away without having to ask for help. This is proven in the way she chases after both me and Daddy shouting "FIRE!!"

One of the things I liked about this toy is that the firearms don't shoot out too fast once you've pressed the button. At first I had images of eyes being poked out and all sorts, but luckily it has just the right amount of pressure behind it that makes it shoot far, but not hard.

Ready, aim.. FIRE!

Captain Hooks battle boat would go perfectly alongside the Bucky pirate ship, also from Jake and the Neverland Pirates. I can imagine that may be the next to add to our collection so Princess can have a proper pirate brawl!

Priced at £17, I think this toy is fairly priced considering the amount of fun and entertainment your child can get out of it. Only criticism is it could be a bit bigger. To purchase one of these Neverland Battle Boats, head on over to the Disney website and check out some of their other toys too!

Disclosure: I was sent this product free of charge for the purpose of this review. All opinions and pictures are my own. 

Tuesday, 15 January 2013

Gammy Eye

Over the past two months or so, I have been smug. Smug to the point of bragging and loving every minute of it. You see, over the entire Winter period, none of my family have been ill.

Not Princess, not Ross, not me.

There's been no sickness, no colds, no bugs and no norovirus thank GOD.

But finally, this week, I have been struck down. If you follow me on Twitter then you've probably heard about it.

I have a gammy eye.

That's right ladies and gents, my eye is gammy.

Definition of gammy:- Gross, seeping, weeping, swollen and disgusting.

I have conjunctivitis, of all fucking things.

Luckily, it's only in one eye.

Friday night, I noticed my left eye felt sore. Not even my eye actually, it was just under my eyebrow.
Saturday it was fine, didn't even notice it.
Sunday it started to ache again and I noticed under my eyelid was a bit red. I assumed it was a stye, as you do, and went to bed thinking nothing of it.

I woke up looking like this..

I shit you not, I thought I'd woken up as Quasimodo. I knew something was wrong when I woke up and my eye was stuck together. After peeling the gunk off of my eyelashes (painting a pretty picture here aren't I?) I took a look in the mirror and gasped. What a state.

Unfortunately I also had to work like this. It was only my 2nd week at work, my fifth day, I couldn't afford to call in sick. My manager was horrified. I assured her I was fine to work though, I couldn't do anything different at home than I could do at work. I did nip over to the chemist though who told me it was just an infection (bit wrong, don't you think!?) and offered me some drops. After a horrific experience with an optician forcing painful drops into my eyes, I haven't been able to use them since, so I gratefully declined.

So I wake up Tuesday morning, once again my eye stuck together. I look in the mirror and nearly cry. Today it is WORSE.

No wonder the American's call conjunctivitis 'pink-eye'. It looks like something behind my eye has exploded. It really is rather gross to be honest.

A quick trip to the Doctors - who I didn't even have to explain to why I was there - who explained I had quite severe conjunctivitis and was given a prescription for some anti-biotics and some eye ointment. I was offered to go home from work again. I was tempted this time because my eye was so sore, it felt like scraping every time I blinked. It was constantly seeping, and I was so self-conscious having to talk to customers. Let's face it, you're gonna stare aren't you? It's also highly contagious. Unfortunately, the regional manager was making a visit who very 'politely' claimed she didn't want to send me home because of my eye. Fair enough. The fact she then went on to complain about the appearance not being up to standards was highly laughable.

By midday, I looked like the bride of Quasimodo.

I was constantly having to carry hand sanitiser everywhere. I usually do anyway, but this time I was having to use it every time before I touched something to make sure I wasn't getting nasty yellow stuff all over it.

I've started taking my anti-b's and have used some of the eye ointment and it's starting to feel slightly better. The ointment is a bit awkward and sticky, but if it gets rid of it, then I don't care.

So to all of you who have been ill over the Christmas period, I apologise for smugly rubbing it in that I have not.

Karma is a bitch.

So is conjunctivitis.

Friday, 11 January 2013

The new job

Well, I did it! I survived my first week at work.

And I loved it.

Ask me again in six months time and I'm sure my answer will be different, but for now, I'm excited.

The girls I work with can't stop saying how thankful they are that I was chosen to work there and how hopeful they are about my prospects. It makes me feel proud.

Immensely proud.

I've only ever had one job before this, in retail. I was a supervisor and was offered the role of Assistant Manager, but I suppose I still didn't feel worthy enough. When I sit back now and look back over the week, I realise how much I've learnt already.

I'm a quick learner and I'm very hands on. Once I know how to do something, I will continue to do it until I can perfect it. I have a decent memory and can use it to my advantage. I'm also good with people so any job that had customers was bound to suit me.

I don't mean to seem like I'm bragging, I'm just very pleased with myself. That's allowed isn't it?

My current work uniform!
The first day was awful leaving Princess. I was putting off going as long as possible, whilst she sat on the floor playing with her blocks barely batting an eyelid. However, it's worth every minute, when I walk in that door and she greets me with a massive smile, shouts "MUMMY I MISSED YOU" and comes running over for a kiss and a cuddle. Nothing could be more rewarding than that.

My workplace is literally a 90 second walk from my front door which is brilliant. It means I can walk home on my lunch break to see Princess and Ross if I want to. Sometimes they even walk down to me for 10 minutes, just so I can say hi and sneak an extra cuddle. It's lovely.

After my second day, I decided it was time to sign off from the job centre. I had never been so pleased to get rid of something from my life. I feel like I have erased the badness and come out the other side into the light. Even though that sounds mega cheesy, I hated the niche that came with being a Job Seeker. I'm glad to be rid.

This job is also great for my diet. Even though my lunch is an hour, I take myself a lunch so I'm not tempted to buy anything else. I can't drink on the floor so all diet coke consumption is during quick breaks. Without having the time to snack, it's cutting out the very worst part of my diet. I used to snack ALL of the time because I was bored or it was just there. Now I don't have the time, and that makes me happy.

The girls I work with are amazing. They've all been so welcoming and helpful, I've never felt more comfortable around completely new people before. Our manager in particular is possibly the most friendly, and possibly crazy person I may ever meet. They're all brilliant!

As before - ask me in six months, it may all change. I bloody hope not though.

The biggest surprise for me, is how sleepy I am after a day at work. There is no commute for me, and the job is definitely not manual. I spend most of the day sat down at a computer so physical effort is almost minimal. But at the end of the day, when I get home, I'm ready for my bed. I could just have a shower, snuggle into my pyjamas and crawl into bed. Having Princess awake is the only thing that keeps my eyes from shutting.

My first week at work has been great. I've met some fantastic people, worn myself out, learned lots of new things about my job and myself.

 This week, I'm very pleased with myself.

Oh and the diet is going great too!

Lets hope this feeling lasts.

Wednesday, 9 January 2013

Weigh-In Wednesday

A few months ago I mentioned in a blog post about how I was going on a diet.

Well I did.. for about 3 days. Then I gave in, shoved my face in a cake and lived on a sugar rush for the following weeks.

I weighed myself before Christmas and was shocked at what I saw. I was 10 stone.

Now that's not a lot to some. But for a girl of 5ft, it's a lot.

My BMI is 25.8 so I am medically overweight by 0.8 of whatever it is they measure you by.

This New Year I decided to diet. I'm not happy with how my body looks at all. It looks fat. I've gone up a dress size and I feel a beast. I don't feel unhealthy but I feel overweight and because of that, I'm unhappy.

This time, I'm taking it seriously. Even Ross is in on it and is keeping all of his chocolate and biscuits hidden. I'm exercising and my portion sizes of dropped dramatically. I have taken to eating Weight Watchers and Good For You meals and have cut out every single piece of chocolate. I have switched to wholemeal bread and everything I eat is 'light'. Everything is healthy. For example, when offered a takeaway, I ordered a tuna-mayo jacket potato. Tonight, our dinner consisted of chicken breast in cheese and ham sauce, with new potatoes and steamed veg. HEALTHY.

I've been doing this now for about a week. I decided to weigh myself today for the first time after my Zumba session (which fucking killed my by the way..) and was surprised to find I'd already lost half a stone. I reckon this was from all the random walks Ross made me do to the garden centre to buy fish. It's a 20 minute constant up walk hill.. with a pushchair carrying a 2 stone child.

So I'm now 9 and a half stone - 60kg. I'm not sure what weight I would like to get down to as of yet, 50kg would be a massive achievement. Ideally, I would love for my BMI to be 23, the healthy average.

I just want to feel happier in myself and I think by getting my body how I want it will help with that. It's not 'being ridiculous' as I have been told once already after telling someone I was on a diet. If I were brave enough I would take a picture of my body just to prove that I am in fact overweight. I don't have body issues either, I just know that this is the right decision. I need to lose the flab, the mummy tummy, thunder thighs and chicken wings and tone up.

I have decided to record my diet journey and weight loss through the blog. Every Wednesday I will create a post with my weight and whether I've gained or lost. I'm a pessimist, can you tell?

I was going to call it 'Fat Bitch Friday' but decided it was probably inappropriate. It's not 'fat' these days is it? Its 'obese'. Who cares?

So welcome to Weigh-In Wednesday! Wish me luck!

P.S: If anyone would wish to take part in this, please let me know and I'll see about setting up a linky/bloghop!

Child Benefit

That got your attention didn't it? If you're here for a rant about the whole Child Benefit system, then you've come to the wrong place. I'm afraid I have brought you here under false pretenses, sneaky cow that I am. This isn't a post about Child Benefit as such.. it is a post about how our child (or children) benefit us.

As in, what are the benefits of having children?

No, really.

The most important benefit of having a child is this:

You will always have a valid excuse to not do something. Don't want to go to that play date? Tell them the baby is napping. Don't fancy work today? Phone your boss and tell them your child is ill. They're even a good excuse to use to explain why you're late. Running late for the school run? Tell everyone that the baby puked up all your other kid and you've spent the last half an hour cleaning them up - not pressing Snooze on your alarm.
(Although in almost every single one of these instances, the kids usually are to blame!)

A benefit of having a toddler is honesty. You can trust a toddler to always tell you the truth. Princess's new phrase just happens to be "Mummys big tummy!" That bitch Peppa Pig has a lot to answer for. But thanks to her honesty, I now know that I need to lose a few pounds! After all, she has no reason to lie. Toddlers will also tell you if you look: "silly, stupid or ugly" so you have no reason to ever leave the house looking like a twat. That's gotta be a good thing, right?

You can also always trust a child to make you laugh. This one applies to all ages. Every single kid is funny. Whether that be by telling a joke, pulling a face or just simply speaking their mind, they're guaranteed to make you snort with laughter. Princess does this all the time, I'm convinced I raised a comedian (well, I am awesome!) Laughter is the best medicine after all, so surely that means we will never get ill? UH-MAY-ZING!

When you have a child, you now have a valid excuse to play with play dough or plasticine without being judged. Every week at toddler group, I can guarantee there are more parents in the craft section than children. The kids usually lose interest after they've smeared glue in their hair and eaten a tub of glitter so they run off, leaving us parents to continue playing in peace. It's the best. Do you know what's even better? You don't have to clean it up. WIN/WIN

Another benefit to having a child, is you can always get one over on a man.
Husband: "It's your turn to change a nappy darling.."
You: "But I pushed it out of my vag."
Problem solved. Giving birth means you can always hold it over your darling partners head whenever they want you to do something you don't want to. Brilliant, right?

One of my favourite benefits, is I've now developed eyes in my arse. I know what's going on All. Of. The. Time. You can't get shit past me without me knowing about it. Trying to sneak that last chocolate? I don't think so mate, that's mine. Pushing in front of me in the queue? Not a CHANCE.
To quote Ross from F.R.I.E.N.D.S, being a parent means you have "Unagi". Total awareness. Yep, that's it.

And my favourite benefit of all? Your child will love you no matter how much of a twat you are. It doesn't matter what mistakes you make with your child, they will always love you. Dropped them down the stairs? Don't sweat it. Embarass them in front of their friends? They'll shout, but they love you.
There is pretty much nothing you can do that can make your children fall out of love with you.

This means that as parents, we are all kinds of awesome, because our little people said so.

Parenting is tough, but with child benefits like this, who cares? It's all worth it in the end!

Saturday, 5 January 2013


Do we ever really know when we're ready for change?

Even though I've had chance to prepare for my new job, it still seems to have come crashing down on me with such sheer force that I'm left terrified. In my mind I'm not sure that I'm ready for it.

The main reason: Princess.

I must seem like such an overbearing Mum to some people, but when you spend every single day with the same person for 2 years, leaving them seems such a huge step.

The ironic thing is, I have left her before. For a few hours anyway. She's even stayed away over night - not that I liked it in the slightest. So why is this so hard?

I think it's because now, I won't have the option to just leave and go home. I can't call every five minutes to see how she's doing.

The only thing that relaxes me most, is she will be at home with her Daddy. He's someone she loves and trusts, so I know she will be fine. But deep inside, a small part of me is jealous. Okay, a huge part. And that's massively unfair, because Ross has had to do this for the first 2 years of her life.

I'm not really going to be missing any of her firsts, she's done most of them already. Ross has set out a plan of potty training which he's going to be attempting once I'm at work, but that's the only thing. I'll still get to be a part of it when I'm at home.

I'm not sure if majority of my issues is my anxiety. I'm so damn nervous that I'm going to mess up somehow and that I won't be good enough. I've never done this job before, how am I going to do it now? In my head I know I will learn, everyone goes through training when they start a new job.. but how long will it take me?

I realise I am being irrational. My intense desire to never leave Princess, and my nerves about being absolutely useless all seem to be clambering on top of me, threatening to push me over into hysteria. I know for a fact I won't sleep a wink Sunday night. I'll be playing every single negative scenario I can imagine in my head so if anything were to happen, I'd have answers and solutions.

I so wish I was an optimist. That I could be wholeheartedly excited about this new challenge I'm about to face. I know that change can be good, I just need help realising it.

Tomorrow will mark my last day as a stay at home Mum and my entry back into work. I'm going to spend it soaking up every ounce of my precious girl as I can and top it off by tucking her up in bed, having a glass of wine and relaxing as much as I can.

Fingers crossed for me?

All About Me - Meme

I have been tagged in this meme by the lovely Sally over at Pressies by Pebbles. Once again I have been suffering bloggers block and have been advised to carry around a pen and notepad wherever I go in case inspiration strikes. To be honest, my most thoughtful time of day is just before I'm about to fall to sleep so I'm guessing my bedside table is the best spot? Okay, here we go.

Where do you do most of your writing / blogging
Usually if a post comes to mind I will make a note in my phone and hopefully come back to it later. I write most of them on the computer at home but I have done some on my phone. They're the rubbish ones..

What books were your childhood favourites?
I was a huge reader as a child, I always have been. The first books I remember reading were The Famous Five by Enid Blyton and a lot of the C.S Lewis books. I recently found a book diary that I used to keep at primary school of all the books I had been reading. According to the diary I was reading 'A Child Called It' by David Pelzer at the age of 11.

Have you ever googled yourself and been surprised at what you found?
Oh most definitely. I googled myself plenty when I was younger and was always disappointed that nothing would come up. Recently however, I have googled myself and been shocked at what had come up. It was what prompted me into changing every single privacy setting on my Facebook (which they have changed again I might add) and made me think twice about what I post on Twitter. Nearly every single tweet I have ever posted comes up on some sort of site, specifically the ones that include brand names. It really opens up your eyes that you need to be careful on the internet.

What is your favourite time of the day?
I think early evening. It's the time when it comes to giving Princess a bath and getting her ready for bed. It's probably the most chilled out time of the day when we're all at home and can relax. The knowledge that I'll soon get a bit of peace helps too.

Who would play you in the movie of your life?
I haven't a clue. I'd like to say someone glamorous like Megan Fox (HA!!) but it would probably be more like Beth Ditto *sob*

One material possession you can not live without?
My iphone. It is always with me and I'm probably always on it. I have a small obsession with games on there at the moment and always checking them when I have a spare minute. It also allows me to tweet on the go which I love! I often wonder what I did before I had my iPhone, I honestly can't remember!

Have you ever been naked in public?
Probably not since the age of 1, no.

Who was your first proper kiss?
Haha, it was with a boy called Edward that I went to school with. Primary school by the way. I was SUCH a hussy. Then I turned into a prude!

So that's it. A few simple questions and you get a few extra nuggets of information about me. I'm sure you're like, mega bothered, right? I know, I know.

I tag the lovely Holly over at Hollybobbs to take part!

Friday, 4 January 2013

Wednesday, 2 January 2013

I don't usually do resolutions..

My very first blog post was about New Years resolutions and my inability to keep to them, so it seemed apt that my first post of 2013 would be the same.

I most definitely do not like New Years resolutions, mainly because I suck at sticking to them so I always shy away from making any. Last year I decided that I wouldn't make any resolutions. Giving myself nothing to work towards or look forward to seemed like a pretty depressing thought, but it actually worked out pretty fantastically.

For a start, that job that Ross got at the beginning of 2012 fell through. And do you know what? I'm glad that it did, because if it hadn't, the likelihood is we wouldn't have gotten very far. After the discovery that the job was commission based only, it didn't seem like a good risk to take, especially when there was a family depending on a monthly wage. Ross decided to stay in his current job, which I knew he hated. If you read the blog then you will know that by September 2012, Ross took ill with work related stress and eventually made the decision to hand in his notice.

It was difficult at first and we struggled, a lot. But now we have come out the other side (nearly!) and we're better off for it. Ross is happier and because of that, so am I.

In March, we finally made the move to be closer to Ross's family. Moving house was a stressful time and not one I wish to go through again any time soon. Although, if a similar house popped up on the market and was cheaper, I might consider it.

Would you look at that.. we achieved something without a resolution.

After settling into our new home, unpacking and making ourselves comfortable, I made another decision. I quit smoking. 

I achieved something massive without guilting myself into it.

After 8 long years of smoking I finally kicked it in the ass and quit. If I'm being honest, I don't feel any better for it and we most definitely don't feel any richer,  but I'm happy that I achieved this for myself. Admittedly, I had a bit of help, but I still did it. This was something for me to be proud of, and 6 months later, I still am.

Come October, my Princess turned 2. She has come amazingly far and I pinch myself every day because I can't believe how lucky I am. She's beautiful and smart and an absolute pleasure. I couldn't be prouder of my girl, I just hope that in the future she's just as proud of me.

Finally, the thing that I am the most proud of: I got a job.

I have been toying with the idea of returning to work for a while, mainly because I felt like I was losing sight of who I really was. I adore my daughter, but only speaking to a 2 year old every day, albeit a very clever 2 year old, can make you feel somewhat unfulfilled. I felt like the only thing I was good for was being a Mum and it upset me a bit. I used to be good at lots of different things and I seemed to have lost myself by dedicating everything I was to Princess.

In all fairness, I didn't actively make the decision to find work, it just sort of happened. I had to sign on to Job Seekers so we could afford to live, and in the process I found myself a job.

I start next week.

I'm beginning to feel very nervous and self conscious, but I know that's normal. It's normal to be scared of the unknown. Despite this, I am proud of myself.

I have also realised that I have grown the confidence to become a 'Working Mum'. I don't particularly like the title, you don't see people referring to the men as 'Working Dads', but hey-ho. Anyway, I feel confident enough in myself that I can have a job and still be a good Mum. I suppose it's all about compromise. And as hard as I know it's going to be leaving her on that very first day, my new job is a 2 minute walk away (if that) so I know she's always close by.

Plus Ross has promised to walk by regularly so she can wave to me. This makes me happy. Small steps and all that.

2012 turned out to be a pretty amazing year. There have definitely been some ups and downs, but when you look closely, you realise that without your low points you could never have risen to your highest.

As much as I enjoyed  not feeling the pressure of New Years resolutions, I have decided to not take my own advice and actually make some this year. They're not anything out of this world, but like every other woman I know, I love lists. I love making them and there is no bigger satisfaction than crossing something off. The sense of achievement is like no other.

So here is my list:

  • Lose some weight. I'm not going to set myself a specific target weight, I just want to lose some. I'm not happy with my body at the moment and I have definitely let myself go. This year calls for a bit of healthy eating and exercise. I don't think I'll ever lose my 'mummy tummy' (at least that's what I tell people it is, I've had it for years!) but just to be a bit slimmer and more toned would make me very happy.
  • Read at least one book a month. One of my biggest pleasures is reading and I need to immerse myself in it again. I won't be joining a book club because once again, the pressure to read a book by a certain date just so you can have something to say on it isn't really my thing. Plus, I like to choose my own books. The library is one of my favourite places, I wouldn't take that joy away from myself.
  • Save up for a holiday. This one also includes getting all of the family a passport. The only place we've ever been together, all 3 of us, is Skegness, and I don't really think that counts. I want to go abroad, somewhere where I can lay on a beach and get a tan. Not worry about whether the sea really brown because it's poo. 
  • Get help for my anxiety. I wouldn't say it's necessarily gotten worse, but it hasn't gotten better either and I don't like that. I know I need help to get better, I just need to take those steps.
  • Finish editing my book. This one is probably the one I want to achieve the most. After receiving excelling feed back on the first three chapters, I need to get a move on with the rest. Even if I never pursue doing anything with it, it's something I can always be proud of. Maybe even make a start on the sequel I've been planning..
  • Blog more. I have gone weeks without blogging and some changes need to be made. I love my blog and I need to spend more time on it. I am immensely proud of how far it has come over the past year - we will be ONE on Sunday! I need to take the time out to get posts written and published - maybe even clear out my draft folder? 

So there we are. Like I said, they're not massive life changers, and all of them are achievable. I know that by achieving all of them, I will feel happier in myself.

I'm not going to give myself a time limit. So long as by 2014 I can look back and say, 2013 was a GREAT year, then I'll be happy.

Happy New Year everyone!