Thursday, 27 September 2012


Every single toddler in the world goes through teething.

Unfortunately, every parent in the world also has to endure it. If you're a new parent who is looking for signs of teething, read this list. You may notice a few things that your baby is doing. Or even if you're a parent of a toddler.. read this list too. You can laugh at my current misfortune, or cry along with me.

  • Sleepless nights consisting of a dozen wake up calls, all lasting between 10 minutes to an hour. Usually I can just stick a bottle in Princess's mouth and be done with it, but not when she's teething. Oh no. She needs cuddles, and lots of them. She needs her hair stroking, her back stroking and her ears stroking, all at once.
  • God awful tantrums that seem to last forever. They're also much worse than normal tantrums. More often than not there is real tears involved, just to show how truly serious this tantrum is. Teething is almost like PMS for babies, they seem so much more angrier and emotional. Princess was genuinely distraught when I folded her blanket earlier that she punched me one straight in the vag.
  • Being clung to for every second of every.. single.. day. Seriously, it's difficult to walk with a two stone toddler attached to your calf. Especially when if I'm being honest, said toddler is half the size of me already.
  • Biting. This has got to be one of the worst. I love you Princess, but I'm also quite attached to my thumb. And my arms. And my ears too. Anyone else noticed how toddler teeth are like kitten/puppy teeth? They seem so much sharper! I've checked under her pillow for a file.. empty handed so far. They've got to be using something..
  • Dribbling. I'm not talking just a little bit of drool out of the corner of your mouth like you get when you're sleeping. No. I'm talking about full on, may as well just sit there with your mouth hanging open whilst staring at a cheeseburger when you haven't eaten for 24 hours kind of salivating. It's disgusting and it gets everywhere. I feel like I'm living with a dog.
  • Dirty nappies. I'm not talking just your regular pooey nappies, or even your nappy explosions. Teething nappies are nuclear. They are probably the most disgusting things you will ever come across. The smell is worse than anything you can imagine and the rash that always seems to accompany it just makes trying to clean the area that much worse. It's a good thing I have a decent gag reflex otherwise Princess would have been covered in vomit more times than I'd care to admit.
  • Diet. She may as well be on one right now. She won't eat anything. She has the odd peace of toast - after having a melt down when I offer it to her. In fact I think the last thing she ate today was a few chips before throwing the rest all over the floor. No matter what I offer her, she turns her nose up at it. She wakes up every morning asking for chocolate but I can't even remember the last time she had any. This is how I know something is definitely wrong. Princess doesn't turn down food.
So there's my list of things to look out for. If you can think of any more, please feel free to leave your suggestions!

Now.. pass me the wine.

1 comment: said...

hahaha. this is brilliant. pure brilliance. I feel for you, I really truly do! *gets a box of wine goodness*